ST VALENTIN'S DAY

Guardian Newspapers- Thursday, February 12, 2009               

The many sides of February 14
By Philo Nnadozie

VALENTINE'S Day is a holiday celebrated on February 14. In the West, it is the traditional day on which lovers express their love for each other. They do this by sending cards, presenting flowers or offering confectioneries. The celebration is named after two among the numerous early Christian martyrs called Valentine (St. Valentine). These were Valentine of Rome, a priest who was martyred about AD269, and Valentine of Terni, Bishop of Interamna, about AD197, who was executed during the reign of Emperor Aurellian.

The festival was marked with exchange of love notes. In modern times, Valentine symbols include heart-shaped outlines, doves and the figure of the winged cupid (the Roman god of love). But in the 19th Century, mass-produced greeting cards replaced hand-written notes. However, nothing romantic was found in the biographies of either of these saints. St. Valentine of Rome was linked with romance in the 14th Century, but by then there was no distinction between him and Valentine of Terni.

A version has it that St. Valentine was persecuted as a Christian and interrogated by Emperor Claudius II. Being impressed by Valentine, the Emperor had a discussion with him and wanted to convert him to Roman paganism in order to save him. But Valentine wanted to convert the Emperor instead. For this reason, the Emperor had him executed before which time he was said to have miraculously healed the blind daughter of his jailer. But this had no connection with romantic love. In modern times, it is believed that St. Valentine was against the Emperor's order that young men should remain single so that they could serve in the army. St. Valentine secretly performed wedding ceremonies for young men and so incurred the wrath of the Emperor who jailed him.

On the eve of his execution, St. Valentine was said to have written the first "Valentine" to the blind girl. The letter was closed with "From your first 'Valentine'. They had become friends during his time in jail. Today, a lot of vices are associated with the celebration of this sacred feast. Many forms of sin and/or crime are committed that day. Our youths engage in sexual immorality as a way of expressing their love for their "Valentine." Love is being expressed in a way that portrays hatred for both parties.

People kill and commit suicide as a result of jealousy for a love that is not genuine. Sexual promiscuity is not without its negative effects, ranging from the use of contraceptives (pills and condoms) to the so-called "unwanted" pregnancy and resultant abortion. It must be pointed out that love and life are inseparable, and any act of love must lead to life, otherwise it is not worth undertaking. With the use of contraceptives, you are saying you accept sex but not its natural, in-built consequences; you do not want to be responsible for your action and to face the consequences; you do not want what it was created for; you want to get what you want from it and not allow it do what it ought to do. This is quite illogical. Pre-marital or extra-marital sex is more about holding back than self-giving (some people believe that sex is the ultimate act of self-giving).

It is believed by many that on February 14, you show your partner how much you love him/her through sex. But this actually shows how little you love each other. Sacrifice is what makes a couple great lovers. It is an integral part of love. Therefore, any love relationship that is devoid of sacrifice is not love at all. To sacrifice, you think of the consequences of your action on your partner, not on yourself. Sex outside marriage says, "I love it" instead of "I love you."

Another misconception is the belief that sex is freedom. But sex is bondage in all its ramifications. It instills fear into the partners - Will I get pregnant? Will he stay or leave me? Should we use pills? How about the side effects? What if our condoms burst or leak? How about our parents? What happens to school? ...You are worried about one thing or the other. Extra-marital sex is guilt-laden. It is an action that is always hidden due to the sense of guilt that goes with it.

It is a widely held view that the highest incidence of venereal disease transmission occurs on each year's Valentine day. Among these is the HIV. It is a proven fact that condom does not prevent the transmission of the virus due to its porosity. It can easily tear, leak or pull off, with holes through which many viruses can pass easily. It, therefore, has not been able to stop the spread of venereal diseases and countless "unwanted" pregnancies.

The most unfortunate among these is that many young girls lose their virginity (the pride of womanhood) to men who entice them with their seductive "You are my Valentine." Any young girl who hears this becomes conceited. The men lure them into sex under the guise of celebrating Valentine for them. People with multiple sex partners would actually spend a very busy February 14, doing "ward round" to let each partner think he or she is the only Valentine. What an easy way of circulating diseases; what a terrible way of caring for the beloved; a very nice package for the Valentine?

Love between married, courting, dating (or otherwise) couples is worth celebrating. Our co-existence is nurtured and lubricated with love, without which it loses its meaning. The feast on February 14 should be celebrated with wisdom, rationality, caution and genuine love, both for oneself and others. St. Valentine, being human, could not have known that his noble action would be so misconceived years later. Otherwise, who knows, he could have either kept to himself or not express his sincere, innocent affection for the blind girl, or could not have cared for the girl at all.

The good gesture of St. Valentine should guide February 14. The expression of his love for the blind girl did not involve erotic feelings, infatuation or lust. Our youths and some wayward adults, on February 14 and the days surrounding it, express carnal love to those who have no marital relationship with them. St. Valentine, on that fateful February 14 he was executed, dropped those parting words for the jailer's blind daughter purely without any carnal feelings or an expression of such feelings.

One worrisome fact about this celebration is that people behave as if something terrible will happen to them if they fail to sleep with their sex partners on that day. We should then try to learn from the person we are imitating. To enjoy the fruits of that noble celebration, we have to follow the footsteps of St. Valentine. Virginity is worth protecting. It is so precious one cannot afford to lose it. Parents should, therefore, protect their children from this contagious act of pre-marital sex. When married, one can give self totally, entirely, wholly and guilt-free to one's spouse. If I were to see St. Valentine today, I would tell him to come to our aid; to help us understand his intention, his action and how he expressed it. I would tell him to help us out of this vicious cycle.